Do one thing a day that scares you

I have a lululemon bag that is always hanging off my chair, or on my closet door, etc and I'm always reading over and over and over again their mantras and the one that stands out to me the most is "Do one thing a day that scares you" -sounds silly - yes. but for someone like me - it makes complete sense and I really do try to take this into my everyday life, whether it be something small or something quite significant. 

I've been on a bit of a hiatus, and I apologize for the lack of posts, but it was ahhhh mazing! and
completely worth every second and dollar (or...dollars) that was spent in the beautiful city of New York!

As for doing one thing a day that scares me, I completely accomplished that, hands down!

Thursday - Taking a NYC cab from the airport to where I was staying - I still can't believe I made it out of that cab alive! haha... I was sliding on the leather, and believe you me, I was holding on to the seat handles for dear life, and I think at one point I was trying to find my ouija breath!

Friday - Touring the streets of NYC all by my lonesome AND taking subways! Clearly I survived, or I wouldn't be typing this right now but for a little Island girl - huge accomplishment! well done, Jenny!

 I fell in love with the city, when I walked out of my room onto the street and landed upon one of these:

A fresh fruit stand on borderline every corner! Beauty! I grabbed myself some fruit, grabbed a coffee and walked around with my camera as any tourist might do! I was literally bouncing down 10th and 6th ave - that is where Moksha Yoga NYC is located - I was pumped to be trying a class there - they were so friendly, their studio rocked, and I had a wicked 75 minute class with Jess!  Get This - The cork floor changes color (light pinkish) when you sweat on it - odd...I had to stop and take a second, I thought perhaps I was dying? Nope - just some random coolness they have as part of their studio! So all around my mat was a frame of pink spots and puddles! too funny!

Saturday - Bikram Yoga. WOW! 90 minutes in a super hot room lined with carpet - CARPET!?! Holy anxiety attack - ughk I get a strange feeling just typing that! I was thinking wow - how do you disinfect carpet on a daily basis? and I'm pretty sure the carpet holds in heat - could have been my anxiety talking! Clock on the wall, you can talk during class, not one downward dog in site, really great practice though- I definitely enjoyed it, I don't think it'd be something I would do daily, but it was fun to venture out! About 10 minutes in, I wanted to run out of the doors screaming - BUT I kept it together and completed the class!

Major Difference: You do every pose pose, even their form of pranayama breathing - which to me is a choking hazard, haha, seriousally, I'll show you if you ask!
So once I got through a pose, which is held for 60 seconds, you take a breath, and go into it a second time but to your full extension for a total of 30 seconds. I'd say Bikram is more of a mind game, because it's like phewf! I made it through...stand in tadasana, and BAM! fuck - I have to do that again - are you kidding?! and so there you go, doing it all over again, even camel!

Oh yeah! and at the first of class - the instructor comes in, introduces herself, and then gets the class to introduce ourselves one by one - a little frightening, but also a neat thing to do, then you don't feel like your stuck in a desperately hot room with a bunch of strangers! Now, you're stuck in a hot room with a bunch of strangers who know your name, so that when you get called out for doing fabulous or for doing a moksha pose  (hmm...wonder who that was?) - those strangers know exactly who the instructor is talking to! 

Sunday - I ordered what I wanted a restaurant *gasp*! I'm that person who goes out to eat ALL the time with friends, family, social gatherings, etc... BUT always, no matter what the situation, orders a salad. Don't get me wrong, I love salad, but sometimes I just want to order nachoes, or a wrap and fries or something - but nope - salad! Sunday - I went to brunch, which consisted of ceasars, eggs, sourdough toast, and a salad (instead of homefries) but still - kudos to me! I did it! And I enjoyed every last bit of it! If you could only imagine half of the battles I have with myself - you'd likely check me in to recieve your free toaster! Yup - this girls on a day pass ;) haha!


And there you have it, now I am back to reality,  with the quietness of Prince Edward Island and the desire to be back in NYC.

Explore the unknown

Yesterday marked day 1 of week 2. BE ACCESSIBLE.

Challenge: Actice Listening.  I am seriousally the worst listener in the history of listening...ask my room-mate, she usually has to tell me whatever it is of importance atleast 4 times. I'm not sure if it's selective hearing or if I am just always so consumed in so many other things that I honestly just don't hear.
My career entitles me to listen on a daily basis, not only am I a human service worker but I'm a youth worker, and those children rely on me to listen, and that I truly do - those kids mean the world to me, so maybe when I'm not working, I give up on listening because I'm trying to unwind? Meh, good enough excuse for me - perhaps not a good enough excuse for others who require my attention.
As for this challenge, I was excited when I read it, I have my listening ears on and I am paying full on attention - while typing on my lap-top, replying to BBM's, watching American Idol and drinking tea, yup - I'm listening! I am trying my damndest though - and hopefully I can keep this up, and instead of talking or going into the "well when I" or  the "when that happened to me.." nope - I'm just straight up listening, putting in my 2 cents when needed, and advising when the time is right. Yay me!

Another statement in this weeks email was, in order to be accessible to others, YOU must be accessible to YOU. What does this mean? Well, it takes you to this article that says "how to stop beating yourself up" followed by a quote:

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." - Buddha

Also, my daily meditation book for today was "Love Yourself"

WTF?  Are you serious right now? Consider the hint taken....

Today, I got on my mat with a new attitude. I finished a stellar kickboxing and weights class - it was pouring raining, I went home and changed and went straight to the studio. Small class- 6 people, I had no choice but to be face on with the mirror. My goal for today was to be nice to myself, I complimented myself for my strength, my courage, and the fact that my purple tank top looks ten times better than it did a few months ago, or even last week for that matter. I didn't get mad at myself when I looked in the mirror - instead I kept giving myself positive encouragement....and I thought being negative was exhausting! My goodness, I had the best savasana of life after what felt like an hour of lying to myself. BUT - moral of the story is, I tried and I succeeded, now I just need to change these thoughts into beliefs! I felt damn good leaving that studio - the rain didn't even bug me, not one little bit.
Back I go....4:15 Hot Hatha meaning WHEEL with Airlie! I was friggen pumped for this class, nervous that I wouldn't be able to do it but excited because who knows how she will bring us into this pose today. We saluted the sun, we bended, we folded, and we held a rather long bridge pose...*gasp* I know whats next - partner up - in groups of 3 she says! hmmm? So, as you come into wheel, partner one has a strap underneath you along your bra-line, and partner 2 has a strap around the flat part of your sacrum above your tailbone, once you bring yourself into wheel - they pull you apart, literally! AMAZING! Best wheel yet, I'm pretty sure I brought myself up and then as I was being torn apart - I felt such relief, almost as if there wasn't one worry in the world...I wanted that feeling to never go away. I've longed to feel this. I can't wait until I can hold myself in wheel completely on my own, I swear I'll never get out of that pose! haha!
Where's Jenny? Oh she's just hanging out in wheel!
And, I'll have you know that every time a negative thought came into my head, I ignored it - I literally took the thought, and threw back out to the universe to deal with because I didn't friggen want it!

I fucking love yoga

Tomorrow  I am off to the big apple, going to do some yoga, take in a vegan restaurant or 6, have a fancy coffee on some beautiful NYC street, go for a run in Central Park, and shop my heart out, probably see a Broadway show, and who knows what else NYC will bring this little Island girl, who knows maybe it won't bring her home! My goal is to leave this dreadful Island, rejuvenate myself on vacation, and come back with a new, less-stressed, more positive perspective on life - is that too much to ask?

JG OUT

Give yourself permission...

We need to give ourselves permission to feel all our emotions, including anger.
But by allowing yourself this permission, doesn't necessarily mean giving yourself permission to rage, or freak out, or verbally abuse yourself or those around you. It means your need to find ways to express your anger with grace and dignity, whether you believe it or not, this means of expressing anger is possible. I have done it...without even realizing, and that might have been the best part! Mind you, I have had days where I hacked and cleaved at the world, verbally abused someone or something (usually some thing), pounded my pillow, but there are days when took the more graceful approach and I'd take my built up anger and write it out, or I'd shout it out in the privacy of my home or car, or I'd go to the gym and work it out, or I'd show up on my mat and sweat it out! There are ways...and I've done both!

Today in the Living Your Moksha challenge, we are currently on week 1, day 7...the end of week 1. I did it! I feel I didn't give it my all - which upsets me because that is not how I roll, however for the rest of this challenge, I am going to give it my all. I do however feel good, and I know even though I may have failed the no-dairy challenge, I still do my body good by eating 95% perfectly healthy and exercising - so when I do slip-up, I need to recgonize for what it is, let it go, and keep on keepin' on!

I was feeling so good today after my 12pm kickboxing class, so strong, and so good, couldn't wait for Kelly's 4:15 flow! I got on to my mat, came up for the sun salutation and couldn't believe what I was seeing in the mirror - ughk! Why oh why must I feel this way? We made our way in to warrior II and I got an immediate feeling of fury rushing through my body - and I was in all black, so you can only imagine, black is slimming? as if! I might as well have been moo-ing on my mat! Not 3 seconds later, Kelly started saying that because this week was "Be Healthy" she was focusing on more of the outside of this statement, by telling us that not only is eating clean - healthy, but being nice to ourselves is just as important, and that we need not judge ourselves so negatively but to look deep down and embrace the positive. Easier said than done, yes. BUT - was Kelly currently reading my mind? She is so right! I may not be skinny, and I may not be the picture perfect girl, but I have lost 100lbs, and I can bend and twist my body in ways that others may not think is even possible, I have a stellar personality and you know what...I work damn hard, and it makes me feel good. Why should I feel guilty feeling good?
But as Kelly continued teaching class, for every negative thought that came into my head, she retracted with a sense of positivity and why letting go of the negative is so important. As I finished her fantabulous kick-ass flow - I was left wondering, if this was her intention for the past 7 days, why hadn't I got to one of her classes sooner?

After I walked out of the hot room, a few of us got talking about that class intention that had just been set, and we were talking, all 4 of us have the same feelings, maybe not all at the same time, but believe ir or not, I am not the only one who feels this insecurity, or this self destructing negativity - it was so interesting to actually talk out loud about such strong emotions to others who can actually relate. I know that if I treated others the way I treat myself, I would have no "others" in my life. How ridiculous is that? Is it time to break it off with myself? I mean clearly I wouldn't live this unhealthy relationship with anyone else, so why live it with myself?  Or should I notice the anger for what it is, let it go, and try to find the positive?

As I walked out of the studio, and got to my car, I had to actually sit there and wonder for a minute...
Why must we be always wanting to be someone or something else? Why can't we see the negative for what it is, let it pass by, and let the positivity take over? Probably because we feel guilty feeling good - we feel guilt if we show confidence, because a girl like me shouldn't be confident, right? and I sure as hell shouldn't wake up feeling "skinny" because, well, I'm not. So it seems negativity always finds a way to creep in.

Now I ask...
Instead of focusing on what we aren't and what isn't, why can't we be happy with what and who we are? Which probably really isn't as bad as we precieve ourselves to believe...

I read this book called, Journey to the Heart by Melody Beattie. It's a Daily Meditation on the Path to Freeing your Soul.
Strange Coincidence, I just opened it to May 7th and the title reads Are You Angry?
Why yes Melody, I was, how'd ya know?
Her daily meditation is as follows:

Let yourself feel angry when anger is what
you really feel. Then get the anger out of your
head and out of your body. Once that's happened,
you'll feel clear. You'll know what to do next.
The path to your heart, to your inner voice,
will be opened. Sometimes getting angry is
exactly what we need to do next.
 -Melody Beattie

Week 1 is over, and Week 2 begins.
A new week means new opportunities!

"Be Accesible" ...BRING IT ON!!!!!

The Wheel

Week 1, Day 6

I completely failed at my first attempt to give up dairy, I don't normally eat dairy as it is, but I swear because I have "given it up" ...I have eaten more dairy in the previous 6 days than I have since January.... ok, so...moving on! I won't be forcing myself to do that again, I'm better off having not challenged myself.
As for no processed foods, well almost, except for the dairy, and no toxins/chemicals - I completely nailed that challenge - and my apartment is clean, so, HA!
Practicing Daily - nailed it!

I feel like this past week of hot yoga @MYC has been completely exhausting, but I'm going to assume it is because of all the heart openers and back bends I had been doing. Hot Hatha this month is "wheel" and I did a yin class, plus taking part in the 2 Hot Hatha classes, along with regular moksha makes for a very open and vulnerable Jenny which lead to a very emotional and hateful week, hopefully it's just hormones, although I am sure the combination of both certainly doesn't help!

Wednesday's Hot Hatha was an amazing feeling, doing wheel for the first time, I was crazy excited and full of energy, even yin didn't calm me down!

Saturday is my favorite workout day, I do my kickboxing, some yoga, and usually try to get in a bike ride or a walk/run or some other form of activity - however this Saturday I was struggling to get to my mat, I actually had to talk myself into it, and just so you know, that doesn't happen often! But of course, I got there, Brendan taught, and I was so thankful I stepped on to my mat, I sweated out my hesitation, was guided into prayer twist on both sides, and had a friggin' awesome savasana! Duh - why struggle to get to your mat? It is one thing you will never regret! I have never heard anyone say "I regret going to yoga today"! haha- can't see it!

Sunday as I entered Hot Hatha, I was in a huge rush, completely stressing over umpteen things, overwhelmed by some information I recieved and had too much anxiety to be entering that hot room.
I did, and I was literally throwing hate balls from one side of myself to the other, I thought I was never going to get through this class, we were twisting, bending, opening and preparing our bodies for wheel. The instructor instructed us 2 or 3 times to curve the corners of our mouth - I couldn't even bring myself to do this - smile, such a simple task. No Way, I couldn't. Still feeling so hateful and angry, it came time to pair up for the wheel portion of class - and my partner did wheel for the first time! I know the feeling, and all of a sudden the hatred/anger is starting to surpass - she was so excited and I was so excited for her! She was so hesitant to try and I just told her to try her hardest and I would help in any way I could...she not only did it once, she did it twice! wow! I can imagine how she felt as I had been there myself 4 days ago! Next up, me! It was like I forgot everything I had learnt about coming into this pose, I had no idea where to put my weight, how to get myself up, no idea...FRUSTRATION strikes again! ughk! Before we finished, Airlie came over, reminded me to take a deep breathe and guided me to lift - BAM! My name is Jenny and I'm in friggen wheel! Next thing I know, the class is clapping, Airlie gave me a double high five, and then she jumped back to her mat with excitement - referring to it as "one of those jump photo-shots"! So Exciting! Hatred/Anger - what is that? I have never felt so light in all of my life as I did in that exact moment.

This would be why I always show up to my mat! You can always expect the unexpected!

Live for the Moment

JG OUT!

Mirror, Mirror

Finally, I've run out of juice...I have pushed myself so hard that my body finally said "fuck off" and for probably one of the only times, I listened. If yoga makes you aware...well, I was aware. I couldn't not do anything today, so instead of working out 2-3 times, I did one yoga class and a 30 minute guided meditation...which is considered "my day off" and I did what every instructor reminds us to do on a daily basis... Listen To Your Body!

I feel as though in that 90 minutes, I had to look so hard into myself for strength that it honestly wore myself out. Not my plan. ugh. I also felt like it started my afternoon with hatred and left the rest of my afternoon with so much hate and guilt, it was unbearable.

Airlie's classes are always so fantastic and full of such deep insight and wisdom, you never know what to expect. First of all, the hot-room wasn't so hot today, so that made for a different practice, and Airlie's message was "this practice is different from the practice before this", she was saying that things change, and no second is like the last, honestly my whole practice felt different today, and because the heat wasn't at its' normal temp - I felt the poses in different places, and the stretches were just different, and I'm not sure if it was because of the practice itself or because of the message Airlie was relaying to us. I don't know if I ever felt as anxious in class as I did today, and I'm not sure if it's because I knew I had already signed in for meditation (meditating scares me) or if its because everything was different today, it wasn't familiar (once again, scary!) I hate chair pose, whoever thought that was a good idea was out of their mind! Awkward pose - no, please, no, don't make me do it!! And she didn't, she came right out of chair pose into eagle, I had such a sense of relief and gratitude for this transition. Had she read my mind? Ah well, I'll take it! But yet, this whole practice, I was hating my self, my face, my warrior, my purple tank-top (whose bright idea was it to wear horizontal stripes? eff!). Luckily, I have my "spot" and it keeps me far enough away from the mirror that without my glasses I can't see myself clearly but close enough that I can tell if I am aligned properly...BUT, low and behold, as we get to the balancing series, Airlie tells us to turn towards the side mirror...AHHH! I am now 2nd row? close as hell to that huge gigantic mirror....she better be telling us to take a forward fold....NOPE! Toppling Tree...stare at yourself and move into toppling tree...terrible! I could hardly handle it. I couldn't even focus in the fear that she was going to make us do Dancer's Pose this close to the mirror....fuck - I want to run and hide! BUT - no Dancer? well...phewf! Next up, tree...that means standing tall, tailbone to the floor, top of the head towards the ceiling, every vulnerable piece of me staring directly into a mirror, my heart was racing, my mind was yelling pure hatred at me, I wanted out, I wanted to crawl into child's pose and cry...I can't go to child's pose, someone might think I've given up, and I am not a quitter... 2nd side, *light bulb* stare at the ceiling - there! I not only challenged my balance BUT I didn't have to look into that mirror!
****Savasana****
I'm still in pure hatred mode - which is weird because yoga ALWAYS makes me a better person, not today, too much looking in/at oneself... and great! I have to stay and meditate? **ANXIETY**
8 FLOWS! are you serious? As if I'm not worked up enough...alright Jenny, you can do this! DONE!
Finally, its over...hello final savasana...I've been waiting for you ;)

So, I meditated... I sat there quietly, with only a slight fidget here or there, I think I even conked out once or twice - but I stayed present, Airlie was explaining something about a man going to the river, and how that same man goes to the river again, but its not the same river, and he's not the same man. I completely understand what she's saying...and I sat there listening, thinking, and thinking, and thinking...and thinking about turning off my thoughts, and how cool it would be if I could just stop thinking, or if I could erase my mind and start new again - now that would be letting go! hmm...how can I erase my mind? Why am I thinking, ooh right, the current, its a current, in the river, and it keeps going and going and going, no matter how hard we try to stop it, just sometimes the current is stronger than we would like it to be, and sometimes its calm, and everything is okay!

I was going to go to one more Moksha class today, at either 415 or 530, instead I listened to my body slightly telling me that it's wore out, and that it does kickboxing 5 days a week, 1-2 yoga classes a day, sometimes walks for an hour or two a day, plus working - "I NEED A BREAK!" So! I put aside the guilt, I talked myself into taking a rest, and I had a hot bubble bath, a nap, and spent some well-deserved time with some family members. I then heard a silent "THANK YOU!" A much needed, perhaps even deserved break. And as for today, its over, I've let go, and tomorrow is a new day!

No processed foods - EPIC FAIL
The funny thing is, I'm not even a processed foods kind of girl, OH and remember? I gave up dairy for 7 weeks - well, I went out to a local restaurant and they have the best nachos on this Island, so obviously we started with nachos...hello cheese? and I imagine that jalapeno cheese sauce isn't natural? There - processed food AND dairy - oops! Feta on my Greek salad - dairy! ugh - I failed! This whole day has just been full of wrong. BUT - tomorrow is a new day, and it was only one day, and it doesn't make or break me, and it doesn't change who I am, and it sure as heck doesn't make me a failure, it's just your everyday girl having a weak moment. LET IT GO. Tomorrow is a new day, new beginnings, a new practice, and a day of the unknown....

A friend gave me a book today by Louise L. Hay, a book based on affirmations, about believing that your mind can overcome anything, that your mind has the power to make or break you.
I took the book in my hand and read the title "You can heal your life" ...I CAN? Are you f*cking serious right now? Why hadn't someone told me this sooner!

First line..."I am peace" umm...isn't this exactly what I stated in my last post that I was currently searching for? So, I do believe in the secret, but negativity always takes over the positive thoughts, and runs them right out of my head, so I'm skeptical because I have no idea how your supposed to put the negative out and let positive take over, as far as I'm concerned the negative is much more powerful than the positive. Although, as skeptical as I am, I am looking forward to reading this book, and hopefully I can start to remove the negative and maybe someday I'll be proved wrong, that positive can actually take over negative. We will see!

A day of hatred is exhausting, I'm glad that's over with!

JG OUT!


Then I come across this....
15 things you should give up to make yourself happy, I'll post the one that screamed out at me as soon as I wrote this post;

6. Give up complaining. Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

This is so true, in so many ways! I had to share ;)

(insert title here)

The secret of health for both body and mind is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly - Buddha

Some days...ok, most days I tend to push myself as far as my body will possibly go...today it succeeded beyond expectation; Today, I am grateful that my body is able to exceed limitations!

Last night, Airlie began the LYM2012 challenge with a meditation session - there was about 15 of us in the "moon room" I think she calls it, and we sat there in silence as she explained the 7 pillars of Moksha and what they could mean to her and/or us. Once we finished the 30 minutes of meditation, which was absolutely delightful, (especially with Airlie's way with words and the fact she was away for the past several months...okay, a week, but it felt like forever! It was great to have her wisdom back again to share with us) she asked us to write down which pillar meant the most to us and what we hope to accomplish from this 7 week challenge or what really stood out during our meditation sesh. hmmm...I sat there, and watched as people wrote away and all I could get on my paper was "letting go" I really couldn't think of anything else - nothing! That's it, I may not even know what I am letting go of, but I know it needs to be done or I am not going to be able to move on. So, I then wrote Be Peace, because if I want to let go, then Be Peace is the pillar that means the most to me during this challenge. Because Peace = Free. Alright, good. Share? no thanks! (I'll blog it later, lol) Some people did share though, and the guy next to me said his pillar was "Be Healthy" because he wanted to start eliminating sugars and other things out of his diet and become a cleaner eater, then he proceeded to say that Be Peace would be the last one he would focus on because he is at peace and is completely content... I said there in awh - I'm sure my jaw dropped a little as I was thinking "wow! that must be freakin' amazing? to be at peace with yourself? Way to friggin' go!" I was so absolutely jealous of him in that moment, and I guess a part of me still is. I hope sooner than later, I will be able to relate to him and I'll "Be Peace". I also know jealousy isn't a good thing - but really! I have no choice in the matter!

It was a beautiful day which got me in the mood for some spring cleaning...no toxins or chemicals, no problem - I came across this beauty!

The wipeandglow reusable chemical-free, paper-free cleaning rag! All you need to do is rinse it with water and clean away, it worked like a dream! PLUS - once you finish, you throw 'er in the wash and then you are free to use it again! day 2 challenge - complete!

I ended up with the afternoon free, so I hit up my noon cardio-kickboxing class, went for coffee with a friend - and got a GD parking ticket! ughk - expensive coffee!

I'll tell ya, my class today was pretty intense and we used weights so my body was likely wishing for rest, but every other part of me was wishing for yoga - clearly I went to the 2pm Moksha class and I feel like the whole time I was wishing we were done of the standing series, but due to my ridiculous ego - I don't usually, if ever give up. As per the weekly challenge of "Be Healthy" ...I got thinking that it could also mean being compassionate to your body, because listening to the body is a main factor in ones health. As I was toppling in my tree, I put my foot down to meet the other and lifted my left hand in the air to prepare myself for Dancer's...my whole body was strength-less, I had nothing left to give, and I was thinking "shit, shit shit, now what? I got to do this...you can do it, do it!" BUT, honestly, if I had have attempted to pick my right foot up with my hand, I would have completely face-planted myself onto my mat, so I put my ego on the sideline and stood in tadasana for both sides of dancers, and it was probably one of the smartest decisions I made today, or this week for that matter. Finally, grab a drink of water and lay on your back for mid-savasana...ahhh, beauty! I can get through this...then BAM! lets do 10 leg lifts and a minute of yoga bicycle - holy shiz Kenny! phewf - thats over! spine strengthening - my fave! cobra, and then cobra again - but this time my feet were being held down and I was lifted right off the ground! nice! okay - almost done! A couple flows, some reclining hero, and twist, and we're good to go! By this time, I'm spent but most instructors do 3-5 flows for this portion of class so I tell myself I can do it and it's all okay.....we start with 3 modified flows, then move onto 3 regular flows, take downward dog - ahhh deep breath, come on to our knees? NOPE! He proceeds to tell us to take a deep breath and continue with 3 more flows, pretty sure I said "holy %^&*" out loud! I was thinking "is he %^&*ing crazy right now?" BUT! with my type-A personality (as I had learnt from a previous instructor) I managed those 3 flows, and I was never so GD happy to hear "childs pose!" Borderline music to my ears at this point!

Next up, 415 Hatha with Airlie. Each month she chooses a new pose to focus on and she teaches it twice a week. I call this play-yoga, it is always fun, the room isn't necessarily silent, and you usually bend and twist your body in ways you never thought were possible, I often wonder how Airlie even comes up with some of her itinerary's for these classes!
For the month of May, Airlie asked me to pick the "posture of the month" and I willingly chose wheel, a pose I cannot do but would like to learn.
I must have been drunk when I picked that pose, about 3 minutes into class I looked around and wondered if I could change my choice to savasana? or downward dog? or...twists? Who the heck wants to spend the next month doing heart openers...eeeek! Not to mention, I'm completely open from the 2pm class, let alone through me into 1 hour of heart openers, how much more vulnerable can a girl get?
I was sitting there on my block, completely petrified, wanting to literally walk out of the room and thinking to myself how I can tell Airlie that I will not be attending anymore hatha classes this month, and GD it's only May 2nd...that means we still have like 4 weeks of this! aaaaaaaaaahhh!! Maybe, I can schedule myself to work on those days? haha, that's a good excuse right?

And so it begins... I apologized to everyone in advance, and we started opening the heart, cobra, twists, and bridge...honestly I thought I was either going to completely break down or fly right off my mat in a sudden outrage, but not of anger, an outrage of open-ness and this feeling of vulnerability that became far too overwhelming...
After 3 bridges, I was more open than 24 hours of hip openers and that's when the dreaded words came out of her month ....pair up and do wheel. ummm...I can't? I'll pair up, sure! But do wheel, are you crazy? My arms aren't going to hold up this fatty...
To the front of the room I go, my partner was holding onto my ankles, pulled herself up into wheel and I held her shoulder blades up...AMAZING! wow! oooh how I wish I could do that! Next, my turn, I lay on my back, put my feet hip width apart, lifted my hips - and that was as far as I could go...how the heck do these people pull themselves up? It's absolutely impossible! Airlie comes over, tells me to grip my partners ankles and start lifting...Well holy sweet dying &*%^ ...I'm in wheel, and I can see myself hanging upside down in the mirror...I was smiling ear to ear, pretty sure I even laughed, I felt like a bat - hanging from a tree, just.....hangin'! AMAZING! I came down and had to just lay there for a minute, I couldn't friggen believe it, I, Jenny Gilbert, was just in wheel! Non-scale victory? Fu*k- I'd imagine! But once we were done, I seriously just wanted to be in wheel again - what a feeling! SO FREE!                        

There it is, my escape to freedom, wheel! I can't wait for the next hatha class...if I'm working, I'm calling in sick ;) haha...see what 45 minutes can do to a person!? I probably could have ran a marathon after that class, holy energy!

But instead, I changed and went to the 530 yin class...

5 minute poses, some props, and a blanket...hellllllo beauty! WRONG!! Lets see, 5 minute dragon? I was so annoyed about a minute into that I had no idea how I was going to manage getting through another 4...I swear I could have been breathing fire at that moment, I was so worked up - and they say pigeon is emotional? I could have kissed Airlie when she said 4 and half minutes are up....30 seconds to go! THANK GOD! oooh, but we have another side... I get into the pose and all of this anger built up, I swear my hands could have ripped my mat in two, the fire inside was burning, now wonder they call it dragon! DING! phewf- done! hmm...maybe we'll do reclining hero? please please please....NOPE! Pigeon, PIGEON?! Are you serious right now, do you know what you're doing to me right now! All I kept saying to myself, if you get through this...savasana will be waiting for you, just keep on keeping on! By this time, I'm counting the poses by 5, to see how much time we have left, I'm at 35 minutes.......cripes, we still have like 5 poses to go! Anyways...I made it, and of course, Savasana was absolutely amazing and of course - I was so zenned out that I barely had a memory of what that class had actually done to me, other than leaving me in this state of being and how fantastic (and exhausted) I actually felt! Who couldn't use a little yin in their life? I mean really, once you get past the fight, and the anger, and the vulnerability....you've let go of so much that the end result was completely worth that 60 minute battle you had with your own self.

Wow...I'm wordy tonight! My apologies!

I recieved a surprise Buddha charm for my pandora bracelet as I entered the studio this evening from a fellow Mokshie, how thoughtful of her to think of me! XO!

JG OUT!

Day 1 of LYM 2012!

How exciting is this?! Finally - Week 1, Day 1 of LYM 2012!


It's a beautiful sun-shiney day here on P.E.I and as I entered the studio, there stood 3 lovely faces who have been on a bit of hiatus from the studio for the last little while! Yay!
Not only was there that, but people are signing up for the challenge in the lobby, names are written on the wall board, stickers are flowing, and it's all proof that the next 7 weeks are going to completely rock!

I woke up this morning thinking of Moksha's words - Calm Mind. Fit Body. Inspired Life. and that last year their mantra was "Be Free" - sounds fabulous, doesn't it? How might one actually do such a thing ....Be Free? I was thinking of this because day after day, I fight with my scale, I step on that stupid white box and let a number determine how my day is going to be - some days seeing that number means I'm dancing around the apartment super excited thinking about how awesome everything is going to be, or then there are the days that I step on that scale, put a pout on, move the scale across the floor (somehow thinking if maybe it's in a different spot on the floor, the number will go down) and try again, and again, and again, and by the end of it the scale has made its way from the bedroom to the bathroom to the kitchen, the number hasn't changed, and I'm about 15 minutes late starting my day! Torture? yes! Ridiculous? yes! But, I bet I am not the only person who has done this!

So, this morning when I got out of bed, I looked at the scale, walked away and decided I would stop weighing myself - because it is only a number...

Then! As I was scrolling through my newsfeed I came across this quote;
"Quit it. Stop it. Stop the stopping. Start the starting. Really. I mean, really. Because you know what? Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, months turn into years so fast you will not know what happened. But you will know what did not happen. And you will feel true remorse. So let's avoid that, shall we? Get going. Go for it." - Neale Donald Walsch

YES! Neale Donald Walsch, you're completely right and it's time I start living, instead of stopping myself because of numbers, whether it be the scale, carb-counts, fat grams, or calories....

I've decided, I am going to start embracing the number, I am going to start focusing on non-scale victories...like my stellar kickboxing workout, the duration of my plank, my dress size, my chatarunga...and the list goes on, and on, and on. Instead of torturing myself with a number, I am going to focus my attention on "being free" for the next 7 weeks and we'll see where that gets me!

Scale Victory - losing 100 lbs!  vs. Non-Scale Victory - Going from a size 26 to a solid size 10 :)

As for my first class of LYM 2012, it was a 2pm flow with Kelly and her awesome playlist of Cash, Kings of Leon, and Lana Del Ray! Energy was flowing, the sun was shining through, and my practice was flowing great, next thing I knew, I was in a wide-legged forward fold and with some slight adjustments from the instructor - my head was touching the floor! I'm bent over, head on the floor... thinking "HOLY SHIT! MY HEAD IS ON THE FLOOR, MY HEAD IS ON THE FREAKIN FLOOR, THIS IS AWESOME!" You know, that moment in class where you would totally scream out and let the whole world know what just happened....except, it's a silent room and that would be completely innapropriate! ahhh....non-scale victory? I think so!

My bathroom is filthy - and as per week 1 challenge, no chemicals or toxins...so hopefully my roomie will understand why I'm leaving the apartment the way it is! just kidding - I mixed some vinegar and water and grabbed a rag and cleaned my little heart out...
As for no processed foods - I'll rock the heck out of that challenge!
umm....vodka isn't processed is it?

To all you LYM challengers - Good Luck and have a blast!! It's one of the funnest events to be apart of at the studio!

JG OUT!