Here's a low-down on my summer....
calories in VS calories out.... calories schmalories!
One might say, I'm very strict with "dieting" ....this summer I decided I would enjoy the odd glass of wine, eat a couple restaurants here and there, whatever, in return I vowed to work-out 3 times a day...which meant Largo/kickboxing every day but Sunday, Hot Yoga, Running, Walking, Biking, Kayaking, whatever it took...I made sure to work my little butt off....however it counter-acted and just wore me out and actually put some pounds on me. I also hang close with my nutritionist, which helps but I'm always so confused, My advice from June to now was ...
Exercise more, eat more, eat less, exercise less, don't eat this, eat more of that, less fat, more carbohydrates, less protien, more protien, drinks shakes 3 times a day, don't drink shakes and ........you get my point! MASS EFFING CONFUSION and yet no further ahead....my nutritionist basically calls me a freak of nature, we can not figure out for the life of us why this weight won't come off, considering how frigging hard I work! Anyhoo, needless to say I got frustrated and decided to go back to the basics, calories in, calories out. I track my calories burned by wearing a heart-rate moniter and I limit my net-calories to 1200 cals a day and I track everything from a baby carrot to a tsp of hummus...I was shocked to see that on some days I burn almost 1400 calories, holy sweet jumpings - that deserves a pizza doesn't it? hahaha! JK - relax! I'm in week 3, meh, it seems to be working a little, but it's really not as easy as calories in calories out....I can tell you that. I eat healthy, so don't ever think I'm stuffing back 250 calories of chocolate and sugar, it's usually kale and egg whites or silver hills sprouted grains bread. Ughk! KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON!
I bring this up, because I just finished my kickboxing class, and the whole time I was absolutely enraged that everyone around me is getting smaller or progressing in their weight-loss goals and then there is me who doesn't change at all, I swear the ppl in my apartment building see me coming/going with my gym bag and think to themselves "what does this girl do at the gym? eat a GD sandwich?" ...one would think!! After being jealous of those around me, I realized jealousy works the opposite of how we want it to, and that I need to just keep trying harder and hoping my body will soon decide to work with me instead of against me. That being said, I am waiting to hear from a plastic surgeon about having the excess skin on my stomach removed, I am waiting for governemt approval and should know by the end of September, since my consultation was the first of August, I am hoping and praying x 1000!!! This would change my life and help me with these body-image issues, I just know it, plus he told me, the only way I am going to rid this, is through surgery, so obviousally I am going to keep working out but how discouraging is it to know that the main thing I hate about my body cannot actually change without an operation.
******So, for you believers out there, I am throwing this out to the universe and if all of you could hope and wish and send positive vibes my way - please do so! I will be forever grateful!******
BRB I'm going to yoga!
Lately, I can't help but think, everytime I am in the my first backward bend, that the cue our teachers have been using lately remind me of jr. high.... the cue being "lift your heart to sky, don't use your lower back, pull your elbows together".... it never fails, every single time, I think how every boy from gr.7 to gr. 9 used to say it to all the girls "I bet you can't touch your elbows behind your back..." That's a safe bet my friend, however, you will get a good glimpse of our puffed out chest as we try! hahaha...ahh the simplicity of it all.
Speaking of simplicity... a hot room, rain pouring outside, a beautiful sunset, and 30+ yogis laying on their mats... pure bliss! Finally a full room, and with the guidance of Brendan, I couldn't help but come out of that studio feeling grateful and almost disappointed about how I let myself get so angry earlier on in my day. I do the best I can do, and that is all I can do right now.
I was talking to my friend, and he said "I should really try getting into yoga again, more so for my mind than anything..." I replied with a long speel about how finding Moskha has completely changed my life for the better, and that it ranges from a physical practice to an emotional practice to being mindful in my day to day life ... then I sent the message, and laughed out loud and couldn't help but think "shit yogis say" ....One thing I never once imagined myself to be... a yogi. And let me tell you, I fucking love every GD second of it!
JG OUT
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